I was pulled out of my coma by my blaring cell phone this morning. After about the hundredth ring I managed to open my eyes enough to look at the time. 09:41 Shit! This isn’t good I thought. You see on Fridays I run a conference call for my company’s Southeast IT team. Since I started running it I have never missed one. I have overslept before but the worst case was starting the call from my cell phone. I out right slept through this one and right after my company announces 800 layoffs. That’s my wonderful sense of timing. So what caused my state of catatonia that caused me to shirk my work responsibilities?
Let me take you back to a time (start mystical chime music), ok it was last night. After wolfing down the special at Grant Central East and watching a little of Bush getting his ass kicked, I headed over to the Echo Lounge to see a benefit show for the Feminist Women’s Health Center. Upon entering the Echo the smell of cigarettes and estrogen hit my nasal membranes. I took up a position in front of the soundboard near a table full of pro-woman propaganda. I was still on my first beer when the raffle girls noticed me. One of them was looking at me and pointed ominously.
Oh no I thought, they’re coming to sell me a ticket. Stay strong I tell myself you can resist.
Three of the four (disclaimer: they were all hot of course) closed in and circled me like piranhas sizing up their quarry. “Hi!” one of them said “Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?”
Must resist, do not give into…. “How much?”
Three dollars for one five for two. I hand her three dollars.
Ha! I say to myself I only bought one. See, guys don’t turn into easily manipulated morons everytime a good looking woman is around.
Well that last statement might not be true but it made me feel better at the time.
Still licking my wounds from my raffle ticket debacle I surveyed my surroundings. Here I was, a straight man standing by himself surrounded by lesbians and feminists. I can take them I thought. That made me smile like I just been offered a job at National Geographic. I love amusing myself, it keeps boredom away. Actually I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. Everyone was friendly and laid back and there were other guys there I’m just exaggerating a bit.
The reason for my venture into this cave of womanhood was to see Minamina Goodsong (sounds like na na na na), a local indie-hop group. Before they started someone announced that the raffle was closing in a few minutes. I glanced over at one of the raffle girls. She was eyeing my psyche’s torn and bloody carcass considering to go in for the kill. I had a plan though, I was going to pull the ticket out of my back pocket and hold it up like He-Man holding up his sword.
By the Power of Greyskull, I have the power! No ticket for me thank you.
Thankfully she didn’t come over because I probably would have bought another.
For some reason the giveaways were all geared towards women. What possessed them, I don’t know. They did have some funny shirts though, one of them said “Trim your Bush 2004″. They also gave out a prize package from some online sex shop. It consisted of vibrators a DVD and other nicknacks. I was hoping they wouldn’t call my name for that one. I would’ve gone though, since it would have been funny as hell. But alas, someone else received the package of pleasure.
After Minamina finished up I headed over to the EARL, which I won’t go into except for the following snippets. I finally met my neighbors form across the street, I learned of a secret East Atlanta women’s society and how to spot members. I also saw an owl.
-Alex
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