Alex Vernon.com

The first “Alex” responses were typed by Aradia. I came in at “Alex: it’s not a floppy disk it’s a HARD DRIVE BABY!”

Flame Boy: Online
Incoming call from Flame Boy at 19:33 on Monday
Flame: come on…not the laptop
Call from Flame Boy missed at 19:34 on Monday
Alex: It’s me again. Alex will be logging on to the Big Mama machine in a sec…
Flame: uh oh
Big Mama? is that the nickname for your toilet?
Alex: hardy har har.
Flame: get it? “logging in”
woot
I’m a genius
Alex: lol!! that’s great!
Flame: I’m a regular comedian
Alex: I’m going to use that as my euphemism now…Honey, I’m going to login real quick (*snicker*)
Flame: doh
Alex:
Flame: Honey, I’m going to “login” the “machine” and drop some hard “data” for it to “work on”.
oops…I found some corn in my “data”
Alex: YES!!!! That is awesome
BLAh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Corn!!!!
Sent at 19:38 on Monday
Flame: tell him to not get his “floppy disk” stuck in the “machine”
Alex: Oh man - I’m laughing so hard I’m gonna have an asthma attack!
Flame: all hail…Wayne…King of the Cornball!!
Alex: it’s not a floppy disk it’s a HARD DRIVE BABY!
THAT was Alex talking
Flame: more like a usb drive
a 64mb drive at that
Alex: better than your 3 1/2″
1.44 man, I feel sorry for ya
Flame: baby I’m old school…I’ve got that DUAL 5 1/4 floppy drive
that’s 10.5 inches of raw data storage power
Alex: hey dude, have a friend from work that might log on tonight his name is Murrie McStrange
lol
Flame: Murrie McStrange?
Alex: yeah, don’t ask me
Flame: Oh ok..yeah…my friend will be loggin in too…her name is Molly McButter
Alex: LOL
brb
Flame: oh…and George Castanza
and… Steve “Large Hard Drive” McNasty
and. Monica “Blow like Katrina” Lewinski
and…Wayne “King-O-CornBall” Overcash
I’m lonely…can you tell?
“Iiiiiiiii ain’t got no booooody….NObody”
noBODY…cares for me
noBody…wants to love me
so…what did you do today?
oh…I just woke up…decided today was NOT the day to jump off a building.
then went to work
decided to leave before I strangled that incessant, blabbering nimrod of a coworker of mine.
only to get home and find cat puke on the chair
so…I threw his ass on the grill…and roasted him till he looked like a dried up dog turd
no more puke problem
then…I thought for giggles I’d hid behind the bushes in my yard and make strange animal sounds towards the old lady next door that was walking in her driveway
scared the living @%@# out of her…I think she’s ok though…she still had her eyes open while she was laying there on the concrete
I poked her with a stick…and she made a gurgling sound…that’s good…right?
anyway…I decided to go ride my bike in the neighborhood…only to realize that drinking beer is much easier…
..but hey…I can do both!
so I did
drinking while BIKING is, contrary to popular belief, a GOOD idea
until you pull in the wrong driveway and run over the old lady you scared the living @#%% out of earlier…
btw…she’s still making that gurgling sound
do you think someone can survive getting their neck ran over?
hmmm
well…back to my life
Alex: dude……. uh yeah

Recently I saw The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It had been awhile since I read the books but I did remember quite a bit. Especially about the towel, as Ford Prefect says “You’ve got to know where your towel is”. During the scene when Arthur Dent meets Trillian she mentions they should go to Madagascar. Normally this would not have meant anything to me, however I glanced at the nutritious, life-sustaining bag of Chex-Mix in front of me that I just purchased from Walgreens as an impulse buy. Low and behold it had an offer for a Madagascar towel on the package! Apparently Madagascar is an animated kids movie. Though I have no desire to have a Madagascar towel the synchronicity is too much for me to ignore.

Towel and thumb all set
Do panic motherfuckers!
Contingency saves

Ok I’m going to jump on the bandwagon with this one because it’s so damn funny. Here’s a trailer for The Shining that must have hit the cutting room floor.

The Shining Trailer