Barefoot in the Bermuda grass the soft blades pressed between our [tag]fourteen[/tag] year old toes, Steve spots a bird on the neighbor’s chimney. “[tag]Alex[/tag]” he exclaims, “Let me take a shot!” I glance down at my scoped [tag]pellet rifle[/tag] already primed with ten bird killing pumps. I glance at him, seeing the death festering in the depths of his eyes. His broad smile attempting to deceive me of his baleful intentions. “No” I say, “I’m taking it.” I raise the butt of the stock to my shoulder and gaze at the amplified image of my target. He seems so peaceful and unaware of the danger waiting to exit the end of my barrel, in the ultimate expression of human cruelty and teenage stupidity. My finger goes to the trigger, I inhale, aim for the mortar beneath the top brick of the chimney and squeeze. There is a puffing sound as the rifle’s air is released, propelling the pellet straight into the mortar. We hear a whack as a piece of the mortar flies off scaring the bird away. I suppress a smile as I turn to Steve and say “Damn, I missed! I’m bored of this, let’s go ride bikes.” “Ok” he says. As we walk into the house, I glance over my shoulder at let the smile escape.
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[tag]Women[/tag] are my greatest [tag]weakness[/tag]. When I have one my creativity is stifled and I get lazy. When I don’t have one I think more but at the same time my thoughts are preoccupied with getting one. My roommate went with me to the Tin Hat the other night and made an astute observation. He said (paraphrasing) “You need to stop this, you’re just wasting time. Coming here and hoping something will materialise by chance. You need to work on your self then other things will come.” As much as I hate to admit it he’s right. I’m letting the preoccupation of getting a woman run everything I do. I could be enriching myself in numerous ways. The again why do I want to do that, to make myself more attractive to women? Maybe that’s part of it, although I would like to think it’s bigger than that. Maybe not though, maybe I’m just an animal at heart and sex until I’m bored then move on to the next one is all that matters to me.
Hey, hey, I don’t know what to do.
I’m tired of appreciating everybody else’s [tag]genius[/tag]. I want to create something myself. I see pictures, paintings, drawings, read novels, poems, hear music but what do I have to contribute? I want to create something that enlightens others like so many have enlightened me. It makes me feel guilty thinking of all that I have taken and what little I have given back to the collective conscience. It makes me sick to think of the time I’ve wasted trying to be [tag]cool[/tag] or being [tag]lazy[/tag] or just not caring. Sometimes I wish I could cry.
At the bottom of the world…….
One of the good and unsound realities of living in Seattle is the plethora of [tag]high gravity[/tag] beer. For conventional people this is a good thing. For me however it is the catalyst for poor decisions and embarrassing behaviour. When I start drinking my sense of responsible consumption goes out the window. This of course is exacerbated with higher alcohol beer, which brings me to my new ex-crony [tag]Maritime[/tag]’s [tag]Jolly Roger[/tag] Christmas Ale. I have no idea what the percentage is in this stuff but I sure react to it. It would help if I didn’t drink it like I was drinking [tag]PBR[/tag] but that requires too much responsibility on my part. Good old Jolly has helped me to make an ass of myself twice in public, the second time causing me to swear him off. I took a couple of pulls of one the next day for recovery purposes then dumped the rest. Yes, yes alcohol abuse or whatever, just bite me. Before my second incident I was staying in one night and wrote a couple of blogs while under Jolly’s influence. Incidentally it was only two but I still had a pretty good buzz. Much more than if I drank a six-pack of [tag]Guinness[/tag]. Anyway the next two posts were from that night. Reading them now they seem pretty raw and because of that I’ve been holding off on posting them. I suppose I should qualify them better or add more explanation. However on the other hand I do like them in their unadulterated drunken form so I’m going to leave them be.
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