How did I obtain the following items: Two potatoes, fifty biodegradable strips and a popsicle
A.) Late night drunken shopping at Fred Meyer
B.) Payment for watching a friend’s dog
C.) From a box of free stuff in Ballard
D.) Stolen from someone’s yard on the may home from the bar
Check out the example time on my Synaptics driver. I wonder how that one got past QA.
It also has a mood pad, hmm….
I was watching the news the other day because I was contemplating taking my own life and I figured that would put me over the edge. I got out my P2000 and started watching…..
Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah……….
I pick up my finely German engineered people killer and feel the nicely balanced weight and custom hand grip in my hand.
Blah blah, got shot, blah blah will kill you
I press the barrel to the side of my head. I feel the cool steel rim of the barrel pressed against my temple realizing how much I would miss sensations like this.
Scientists think they found evidence of liquid water on Mars…..
What?!
Crater blah blah, new deposits blah blah, probe blah blah
Wow! that’s pretty fucking cool! Maybe I should stick around for awhile…
You know what they say Lonnie?
OH GOD! A FUCKING NEWSCASTER SENTIMENT!
Scientists say where’s there’s water….
I cock the hammer back with my thumb, (since my pistol doesn’t have a safety and is double-action only I don’t want the recoil to mess up my shot)
there’s a small chance, just a small one….
My finger feels the polymer trigger, funny how a simple digit can end everything just from a nerve signal sent by my brain
of a Starbucks going up.
Huh? Wait a minute, that’s goddamn funny. I can’t believe that I enjoyed a newscaster joke. What the fuck is wrong with me? What am I going to tell my friends? What’s next? Am I going to buy a Volkswagon and shop at the Gap?
Click, BANG!
The other day I went to my local liquor store to get my fix. As I was checking out the guy behind the counter asked if I was still at Comcast. I’ve had this discussion many times before and it goes something like this:
Liquor guy: Do you still work at Comcast?
Alex: No, I have never worked there, I work for…
Liquor guy: Oh, what do you know about DVRs?
Alex: Not much, I don’t have one.
Liquor guy: Well I’m trying to blah, blah, blah…
Alex: Hmm, try blah, blah, blah…
Liquor guy: Ok see you later.
Alex: Cya.
Since this has happened numerous times before I decided to play along. “No” I say “I’m at … now”. “Oh” he says “What do they do?” “Make enterprise software” I respond. “Wow, better than Comcast, huh?” he declares. “Yep” I remark as I smile and walk out the door.
I quit smoking again yesterday. So far it hasn’t been as bad as previous attempts. I have stopped for over two years before so hopefully this will be the last time. To help me succeed I have hired the woman below to kick me in the balls everytime I think about a cigarette (no you can’t, only her). If it works I plan to patent the method and start spamming you so keep an eye out.
“Of all the stratagems, to know when to quit is the best”
-Chinese Proverb
First off a little background. I hate paying people to fix things for me. I do all of the car work that my collection of tools allows me to do, fix my computers and try to repair household items. The household items are definitely my weak link. I have done simple things like replacing thermostats and outlets. But I’ve had my failures as well, like trying to fix my ex-roommate’s dishwasher to no avail. Now on to the fight.
In the red corner in the steel trunks weighing in at 338lbs. The Fridge
In the blue corner in the Dungarees weighing in somewhere around 215lbs. Alex
This is a no holds barred fight, screw drivers and other tools are allowed. Fight dirty if you must, let’s get it on!
Round 1
Aradia and Alex are sitting on the couch watching a movie completely oblivious to there surroundings. Out of know where the fridge decides to throw a cheap shot. He starts spitting ice at high speed all over the kitchen floor. After the initial shock, Alex jumps up and runs down stairs. Dodging the ice on the floor he holds the lockout button for the requisite three seconds and the ice flow stops. ding
Round goes to: draw
Round 2
After keeping the dispenser locked out for a few months (to keep his guard down) Alex decides to attack the freezer door. Peeling back the door gasket he proceeds to remove all ten thousand screws around the edge. Then he pulls the gasket away and tosses it on the floor while smirking like Dubya. It’s not looking good for the fridge now. But wait the inner plastic is glued to the door! Alex steps back in shock. How can this be, how would a repair man handle this situation? Alex calms down and regroups, as the fridge starts leaking water on the floor in a show of defiance. Alex decides to try going through the front. Grabbing a flashlight he notices two tabs holding the front display on. After releasing them he manages to remove the circuit board. The fridge is staring to get worried, he frantically leaks more water hoping that Alex will stop and plug him back in. Alex isn’t through yet however. He unscrews the dispensing apparatus and removes it. Notices that the solenoid is rusty and pulls out the PB Blaster. He also regreases the micro switch. Confidently he replaces the parts and proceeds to replace the door gasket. However this was too much for him alone and he calls for reinforcements from Aradia. After reassembly he cleans the floor and plugs the Fridge back in. He releases the lockout and tests the dispenser. Oh no! Nothing at all, Alex is devastated from the blow and the Fridge gently hums in defiance. ding
Round goes to: The Fridge
In his corner Alex is considering throwing in the towel and calling in the big guns (repairman). But he summons his courage and a quick Google search later he has found and ordered some parts. Now he regains his strength as he waits for the postman.
Round 3
Armed with a new micro switch and a screwdriver, Alex comes out and gives two swift uppercuts to the fridge’s front panel. Then he pulls it out and releases the circuit board cables. Using a different screw driver he removes the dispensing unit and replaces the switch. As the fridge reels from the onslaught, Alex reassembles the panel and tests the dispenser…… Victory! The fridge is down for the count.
Decision: Winner by a knockout in the third round: Alex
Yes, I am disturbed.
I came across this rating while look at Ziggy Stardust">The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust.
BUYER BEWARE, January 19, 2006
Reviewer:Zak Wylde - See all my reviews
BUYER BEWARE
If you have been told that thisalbum is glam rock than like me you have been duped. There are no good glam songs to be found here…just some weird concept album that doen’t rock in the slightest. Good glam acts like Poison or Cinderella knew what it was all about…Hot soloing, greatlyrics about GIRLS and having fun. You will not find that here. For a good glam album I recommend “Open Up and Say Ah” by Poison.
I want to tell you about a new drug I’ve been taking lately. It’s called Panexa but I like to call it “my little happy pill”. Readers of my blog will know that I used to be on FUKITOL. I have since seen the error of my ways and my salvation has arrived. Panexa has allowed me to breath, think, eat, drink and most importantly “be myself”. I don’t know how I was able to be me before I started taking it. My socks have even been whiter, you definitely owe it to yourself to talk to your doctor about it. I know you won’t regret it. Thanks Stay Free!
