A conversation with Flame Boy

October 19, 2005 in Humor | 2 comments

The first “Alex” responses were typed by Aradia. I came in at “Alex: it’s not a floppy disk it’s a HARD DRIVE BABY!”

Flame Boy: Online
Incoming call from Flame Boy at 19:33 on Monday
Flame: come on…not the laptop
Call from Flame Boy missed at 19:34 on Monday
Alex: :-) It’s me again. Alex will be logging on to the Big Mama machine in a sec…
Flame: uh oh
Big Mama? is that the nickname for your toilet?
Alex: hardy har har.
Flame: get it? “logging in”
woot
I’m a genius
Alex: lol!! that’s great!
Flame: I’m a regular comedian
Alex: I’m going to use that as my euphemism now…Honey, I’m going to login real quick (*snicker*)
Flame: doh
Alex: :-P
Flame: Honey, I’m going to “login” the “machine” and drop some hard “data” for it to “work on”.
oops…I found some corn in my “data”
Alex: YES!!!! That is awesome
BLAh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Corn!!!!
Sent at 19:38 on Monday
Flame: tell him to not get his “floppy disk” stuck in the “machine”
Alex: Oh man - I’m laughing so hard I’m gonna have an asthma attack!
Flame: all hail…Wayne…King of the Cornball!!
Alex: it’s not a floppy disk it’s a HARD DRIVE BABY!
THAT was Alex talking
Flame: more like a usb drive
a 64mb drive at that
Alex: better than your 3 1/2″
1.44 man, I feel sorry for ya
Flame: baby I’m old school…I’ve got that DUAL 5 1/4 floppy drive
that’s 10.5 inches of raw data storage power
Alex: hey dude, have a friend from work that might log on tonight his name is Murrie McStrange
lol
Flame: Murrie McStrange?
Alex: yeah, don’t ask me
Flame: Oh ok..yeah…my friend will be loggin in too…her name is Molly McButter
Alex: LOL
brb
Flame: oh…and George Castanza
and… Steve “Large Hard Drive” McNasty
and. Monica “Blow like Katrina” Lewinski
and…Wayne “King-O-CornBall” Overcash
I’m lonely…can you tell?
“Iiiiiiiii ain’t got no booooody….NObody”
noBODY…cares for me
noBody…wants to love me
so…what did you do today?
oh…I just woke up…decided today was NOT the day to jump off a building.
then went to work
decided to leave before I strangled that incessant, blabbering nimrod of a coworker of mine.
only to get home and find cat puke on the chair
so…I threw his ass on the grill…and roasted him till he looked like a dried up dog turd
no more puke problem
then…I thought for giggles I’d hid behind the bushes in my yard and make strange animal sounds towards the old lady next door that was walking in her driveway
scared the living @%@# out of her…I think she’s ok though…she still had her eyes open while she was laying there on the concrete
I poked her with a stick…and she made a gurgling sound…that’s good…right?
anyway…I decided to go ride my bike in the neighborhood…only to realize that drinking beer is much easier…
..but hey…I can do both!
so I did
drinking while BIKING is, contrary to popular belief, a GOOD idea
until you pull in the wrong driveway and run over the old lady you scared the living @#%% out of earlier…
btw…she’s still making that gurgling sound
do you think someone can survive getting their neck ran over?
hmmm
well…back to my life
Alex: dude……. uh yeah

New Shining trailer

October 4, 2005 in Cool, Humor, Movies, Uncategorized | No comments

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Ok I’m going to jump on the bandwagon with this one because it’s so damn funny. Here’s a trailer for The Shining that must have hit the cutting room floor.

The Shining Trailer

I would like to buy a vowel

August 12, 2005 in Humor, Political | 1 comment

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Tired of seeing all those “W The President” and “W Still The President” stickers plastered on Soccer Mom SUVs? How about getting your own F The President sticker. Show them you can use letters too.

Less government in your life

July 29, 2005 in Humor, Political | No comments

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I received this quote from an email list that I subscribe to. So true….

“Other than telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest,
educate our children and, now, die, I think the Republicans have done a
fine job of getting government out of our personal lives.”

-Editorial Page, Sunday, June 19, 2005 Portland Oregonian

I Fucked Ann Coulter in the Ass, Hard

May 2, 2005 in Humor, Political | No comments

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Not I, this guy. Link

Unscientific Unamerican

April 1, 2005 in Humor, Science | 1 comment

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This is hilarious, I love the backhanded slap to Bush and Michael Crichton. From Scientific American.

“Okay, We Give Up

There’s no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don’t mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there’s no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong.

In retrospect, this magazine’s coverage of socalled evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it.

Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.

Moreover, we shamefully mistreated the Intelligent Design (ID) theorists by lumping them in with creationists. Creationists believe that God designed all life, and that’s a somewhat religious idea. But ID theorists think that at unspecified times some unnamed superpowerful entity designed life, or maybe just some species, or maybe just some of the stuff in cells. That’s what makes ID a superior scientific theory: it doesn’t get bogged down in details.

Good journalism values balance above all else. We owe it to our readers to present everybody’s ideas equally and not to ignore or discredit theories simply because they lack scientifically credible arguments or facts. Nor should we succumb to the easy mistake of thinking that scientists understand their fields better than, say, U.S. senators or best-selling novelists do. Indeed, if politicians or special-interest groups say things that seem untrue or misleading, our duty as journalists is to quote them without comment or contradiction. To do otherwise would be elitist and therefore wrong. In that spirit, we will end the practice of expressing our own views in this space: an editorial page is no place for opinions.

Get ready for a new Scientific American. No more discussions of how science should inform policy. If the government commits blindly to building an anti-ICBM defense system that can’t work as promised, that will waste tens of billions of taxpayers’ dollars and imperil national security, you won’t hear about it from us. If studies suggest that the administration’s antipollution measures would actually increase the dangerous particulates that people breathe during the next two decades, that’s not our concern. No more discussions of how policies affect science either so what if the budget for the National Science Foundation is slashed? This magazine will be dedicated purely to science, fair and balanced science, and not just the science that scientists say is science. And it will start on April Fools’ Day.”

Originally found on /.

Tapping the Highland

March 31, 2005 in Humor, Out and About | 3 comments

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Last night I was punched in the gut, pinched, bitten, cut my finger, got a bloodstain on one of my favorite shirts and was almost pushed out of a booth. I also had a great steak.

Mini sock monkey

March 28, 2005 in Humor | No comments

Recently a friend asked me how I obtained my miniature sock monkey. I also wanted to share the story with you.

Two days after my fourteenth birthday I was walking through the woods at the base of Mt. Diablo and a saw a jet black wolf with smoldering green eyes . He looked at me made a grunting sound deep in his throat and ran off through the trees. I’m not sure why but somehow I knew he wanted me to follow. I chased him until I thought my lungs were about to explode, then I fell down a pit in mid stride. I believe I lost consciousness for some time and when I came too I noticed a small steel box partially covered by leaves. I brushed the leaves aside and opened the box. Low and behold there were two miniature sock monkeys inside. There was also a note that said the following:

“Well done Alex, we have waited some time to present these to you. We feel now is the time. One is yours to keep but you must give the other away. You will know whom, when the time is right.”

So that’s how I came upon them.

Pubes in the urinal

March 25, 2005 in Humor | No comments

You know it’s bad enough that half the office can’t manage to pee in the urinal. But seeing someone else’s’ pubic hair in it is just a little too much.

Mmmmmm weed baggies

March 25, 2005 in Humor | No comments

This was in last week’s Creative Loafing Blotter section.

“An undercover officer walked into a store on Boulevard and asked the store cashier if he had any weed baggies. “Yes, what size do you want?” the cashier replied. The officer asked for the $5 size. The cashier went to the rear counter and retrieved the baggies. “These are weed baggies, right?” the officer asked. “Yes!” the cashier answered. The officer paid for the baggies with city funds. Then, the officer went next door, to a barber shop, to observe if any drug activity was going on. The officer wrote, “I received a haircut by the barber and paid with city funds but observed no drug activity.” No charges filed.”

Nice to see that Atlanta’s police are making good use of our tax dollars.

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